So I was thinking about my body…and I wanted to see just how gross I look. so i put on a bikini. It was horrible. and the fact that i ate this moring made it that much worse. I’m gonna start trying it on whenever i feel like eating. just to remind myself of what i’m adding to. it was so fucking gross you guys. I just have fat EVERYWHERE!. I used to love my back and the way it looked. i have fucking love handels!!! I’m so disgusting. i think i’m gonna take a picture and make it my desktop image so i know what I look like all the fucking time. I’m not eating. if i start to feel hungry i’m just gonna look at the damn picture. ugh!!!! I hate being fat! After seeing that I don’t even want to eat. it’s just nasty. like all I can think about is that I look like that because of food and that is just sad. I should be at 105. but becaseu I couldn’t say no to fucking food. I’m still a fat ass. no more food for fatty until i’m thin. I want to go so long without food that i forget how many days i haven’t eaten. water. water. water. that’s all i need. that’s all I wan’t. water doesn’t hurt you. water makes your hair pretty. your skin pretty, and water doesn’t make you fat. Thank God for the miricle of water. i’m going to go take that picture now. ugh! I don’t even want to see myself anymore! I just want to wake up and be perfect. Skinny, and beautiful you know. there are so many more things to do than eat. i need to get my cell phone back on. if I was Texing a buddy all the time i’d never eat. i think that’s what i’m getting for Christmas anyway. i’m gnna ask just incase. i need constant support. constant reminders of why i’m doing this.
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