Grocery store shopping today. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with that, a little trepidation churning in my stomach. But I think it turned out alright. Maybe? I didn’t buy any cake. So that’s good, right? I didn’t slip into a sucrose fantasia. I count this as a victory of the good.
Today’s been a day of cleaning out cupboards, matching socks, and filling those cupboards back up again.
I exercised for half an hour and had the strangest feeling like, yeah, I could do more and harder. I feel like I’m building a kind of structure that works for me at least here and now. I feel some baby mus-kells forming in my arms and legs. Drinking water. Still drinking too much pop.
This is no miracle, though. Pants is pants is pants and some of them – most of them – that I’ve kept to sort of keep me clothed as I fluctuate in weight – don’t fit. Still don’t fit. It’s been less than a week. Imagine my hubris, just go ahead and try. It’s pretty It may be a miracle that the journey promises, but it’s a miracle in breaths, in wills, in little molehills striving toward mountainhood. I made the word up, but you know, mountainhood.
The aisles didn’t turn out to be the perilous, rocky shoals I imagined I could go aground on. I just am so new at this. New, but with a lot of deja vu, I guess. I have tried to reinvent my views on the grocery store, reinvent my experience many times over. Tried to befriend it, ignore it, re-evaluate it. But the place you get your food from means something, like it or not, and unless you start hunting and gathering from the great suburban woods out there or never stop breast feeding, you are tied to the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Used to be that I would treat the grocery store as the place where the medicine is. And the medicine could be delicious and fatty and glittery and succor and worth whatever it might cost. It’s hard to be on a diet and still think that way, though. Hard to be on a life-change plan, whatever. So I wasn’t going to be abusive toward the Kroger, or pre-judge it, I was just going to have the plan and handle myself like a lady.
So, with a plan in mind, with my leg muscles sore and my heart set, and frankly, feeling rather poor in pocket, I figured I’d get a few important things and get a sensible treat. I pretty much managed to do that. And felt fantastic simply because it was was a small, tiny, but personally wonderful moment of control.
I ate sensibly and am looking forward to my sensible treat.
So what else is new? I guess the official weigh-in is tomorrow. I’ll report all this statistical stuff, then, I suppose. Huzzah? Yeah, huzzah.
My humors are up even if I’m worrying about something on Monday at work that I probably mentioned yesterday. There’s nothing I can do about it now, but it’s stressing me. I feel kind of sick and irritated and weighed down about it, but yeah. We’re carrying on. I’m hanging out with my friends and feeling relatively okay in the balance of things.
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