ever feel like you are suffocating? suffocating when you are surrounded by nothing but your own thoughts and pure air??
i’m finding myself completely overwhelmed by problems and 90% of them are not even my own problems. my friends have been a non-stop rollercoaster for the past year and a half, but moreso just the past few months. i think it has to also do w/the medication issues…but still! everyone is breaking up or broke or having family issues or trying to kill themselves…
this doesnt even allow me to think about and deal w/my own problems appropriately because i get so wrapped up in their issues. i lay awake at night thinking about them…or i stay up late thinking of them and by the time i hit my pillow i realize i havent dealt w/my own shit! so there is another hour or 2 WIDE AWAKE! this is why i only have a few friends. i cant handle more friends due to this.
i realize i’m sounding very selfish…however, i need to let it be known, that i’m helping my friends, on every level…until i cant help any longer. today another friend busted some news that her stepdad had taken her into the woods for a daddy daughter annual day out and told her he fantasized about her and wanted to have sex w/her right out there! it made my heart sink, watching her cry for a man she called dad for over 20 years…it was today when i decided that i will not let any of my other friends, including her, go through the type of thing she has and be so sad! those helpless feelings are unacceptable to me and the pain she felt was radiating through her. since she has tried to overdose on pills, alcohol and weed…no success. she has 3 kids, a bad marriage and has stepped out on her vows since, as well…i just wanted to hug her and never let her go, AND I AM NOT A HUGGER.
idk, what i think right now. i have issues of my own, work, cat tumors, money, weight, etc…but how can i deal with any of it when this type of shit keeps coming up??? i cant. so ive been eating, like i’m trying to gain weight!
sorry this is a depressing note. generally, i try to keep these upbeat and funny, but today i am just sad. sad, plain and true. i just want to cry. i’ll be fine. i just want to cry today.
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