So I have accepted that I make rash decisions sometimes when it comes to money. Somthing I really hope to remedy this someday. Alas, today is not that day. I ordered yet another exercise system I saw on TV after 1 am. Now in my defense I just saw my ex-boyfriend for the first time in 4 months and I felt fat and lumpy and well, just not very appealing, and everything was going along fine. Then, 4 hours into our “hangout”, which was very flirty, he lets me know that a “friend” of his will be stopping by. So, me being the smooth operator that I am ask him if he is “dating” her. True to form he is apprehensive about labeling any relationship, so he shrugs ever so non-chalately and says “kinda”. I prod, its what I do, and it turns out that they are “dating” like we “dating”.
Now let me preface the rest of my story by saying, I broke up with him, I was over him, I am just really horny and thought hey maybe I could get me some. But suddenly, I felt like someone had punched me in my heart. Maybe I sercretly hoped that after all this time he would still be pining after me or maybe I still care about him more than a friend. Whatever the case is I did not feel like I could handle it. Call me a whimp but my dog had just died after 13 years, and I was feeling like a cow. So I did the civilized thing. I said hello to the girl who had obviously just come to check out the girl before her(me) and then told him I was going to go. It was after all past midnight and snowing outside. Totally non-chalent. Not at all obvious that I was upset. Psh. Even I don’t buy my bullshit. If it wasn’t obvious I doubt he would have called, left a voicemail, and texted today.
With all of that out of the way I have to say that I feel good. Granted it stung. It never feels good when you find out that a recent ex is dating before you. But instead of spending all of today and most likely tomorrow moping about it, I woke up today feeling suprisingly strong. I broke up with him (for good reasons) and I was moving on with my life, I just don’t need someone like that. Period. And for the first time not only did I know this but I also actually felt it.
Now why you may wonder did that story have anything to do with ordering another exercise program? Simple. I want to look better than I did when I started dating him. Not only because I wanted to show him exactly what he was missing (just an added perk) but also because I hate feeling like the fat girl and because damnit I want to go shopping somewhere other than the plus-size section.
I know I should be enlightened and love being my size and own and blah blah blah, but come on maybe I would be able to do that if designers stopped being idiots and oh I don’t know actually made clothes that belong in the 21st century for us “curvy” girls. And before some skinny bitch says that its my fault that I am like this and they do have fat girl clothes at the Lane something or another store, I ‘m just going to put out there that the average size for the American is 16 and its hard to find that size in most stores.
Ok so I am going to step down off the soap box. I am backing away now.
So I ordered another system of videos that will be here hopefully before I go on my trip next Friday. I really hope that when I lose the weight this time it will stick I really don’t feel like doing this up and down thing for the rest of my life.
I am sure that it will be money well spent.
Is that bullshit I smell? hmm.
No comments:
Post a Comment