…is something that all women have to deal with after that freaking blessed event of allowing a far too large object slide from the smallest portal on our body!
Let’s face it girls. We really don’t give much thought to our expanding girth when it’s under the guise of ‘baby fat’. As that little sucker grows inside of us we cling to that self-serving deception tactic of “I’ve got to feed the baby” or “I’m trying to protect the baby” with all this added cushion.
B-u-l-l-s-h-i-t!
Pregnancy brain makes us delusional is what I think.
What we’ve really done is stuffed our bloody faces until we look like we’re ready to explode because we think no one is really watching our weight–they’re only watching the blessed progression of a developing baby.
So, flash forward. You realize your kids are nearly adults now and you’re still carrying around a pile of flab that’s been there since way back when.
With the recession like it is now, so many of us are left to our own devices to get in shape because gym memberships are still at a premium. The price of working out one-on-one with a personal trainer is also out of reach for most of us, so what do we do–we start looking around to find the cheapest possible way to get the most for our money.
Hubby and I usually walk every morning at our local park. If we go around the outside twice we can get in about two miles. Unfortunately, when it’s a little cooler outside, we take a shortcut so we can stay in the sun. Hello…short cuts will not get rid of said baby fat.
But the good part is, we find new inspiration during these little treks because every day we’d see different groups working out. You’ve got your boot camps, your one-on-ones, basketball games, joggers…there’s a plethora of people trying to get fit, or as I like to think of it–getting your Jello to finally set.
One group I’ve notice over the past year is made up of several young mothers and their toddlers. They use the strollers for balance, use their kids as free weights, and all in all they seem like their having a good time instead of just sweating their asses off alone. They’ve got that camaraderie going on, and from the look on their faces, they really don’t seem to mind the stretching, crunching, or jogging so long as they can do it together.
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. You grab a bunch of your ‘baby-fat’ friends who are stuck at home with their young children and you work out together. It’s the perfect world–like minded women at the same place in their life.
So after pondering this idea I finally got brave enough to go ask them if it was an open group and how much did it cost to join.
“We don’t pay anything, we just work out together because it’s more fun to do it this way,” says the girl who kind of looks like she’s leading the group.
“Oh,” I said.
I notice that they’re all kind of staring at me in that odd kind of way because it’s obvious I’m a lot older than all of them.
“Could I come?” I ask.
“Well…you’re..I think you’re a little old for our group,” she says as she looks me up and down with that smug superior look on her face.
I want to bitch-slap her but I refrain from doing so because this might be my ticket to shed a few pounds without spending a dime so I keep my cool.
“No…I don’t think I’m too old,” I say as I crush the urge to take this bitch down right then and there. “I’m not as old as I look you know.”
The whole pack of them exchange a look, you know the one. I can see them trying to formulate a reason to get me to go away.
“Do you have kids?” she asks because I’m pretty sure she can see the daggers flying out of my eyeballs right towards her heart.
“Yeah, I’ve got kids,” I reply waiting to see where she’s going to go next.
She looks around at the others in the group trying to surmise by the looks on their faces whether or not she should offer me a place in the group. They pull themselves into a little huddle and have a short conference. A moment later they separate and the spokesgirl takes another long look at me.
“Why don’t you come Wednesday…WITH your kid,” she says. “We’ll see if you can keep up with us.”
Oh no you didn’t girl!
I can’t believe she went there so fast!
Yep, she upped the ante by attacking my competitive side.
Oh well, maybe this was exactly what I needed to hear to motivate me to undo what time and gluttony had done to me.
“Okie-dokie, I’ll see you Wednesday then,” I say.
I can hear them giggling as I walk away.
CRAP!!
I may have bitten off more than I could chew!
So here’s one of the only perks of home schooling. My son is constantly available, and fortunately for me, he has the same warped humor that I do. I know he’ll be game for this, and beside, he loves to work out so it’s game on.
Tuesday rolls around and I go to my neighbor and ask if I can borrow her jogger stroller.
“What do you need it for,” she asks.
I lie telling her I’m going to be babysitting a friends kid on Wednesday.
“Oh, okay,” she says.
Wednesday morning, I get up early, wash my hair do my makeup, dress in my best workout clothes. I’m not going to let these girls see the real morning me under any circumstances!
I get my son up, feed him so he won’t get cranky, and we head off to the park.
When I pull into the parking lot I can see them off in the distance. There’s five or six of them and their already stretching, while at the same time, sucking back the last drops of their coffee.
I get the stroller out of the back of my car, set it on the ground and try to open it.
Crap!
I guess we should have done a run through at home.
I realize it has some kind of damfangled lock on it somewhere but I just can’t find it. I look around in desperation, and like a mirage before my eyes, there appears another health nut, a mother, with her kid, in the same kind of stroller, and I know she’s not part of the mommy group I’m about to join. She sees my plight and comes to my aid.
She flicks a little toggle and the god damm buggy springs to life just like when you pull the toggle of the life jacket on an airplane. Oh yeah! That’ll be a story for another time!
I jump out of the way and she laughs at me.
“Sometimes these things have a life of there own,” she offers.”They take some getting used to.”
“No shit!” I say thinking these things must be manufactured by Toyota.
The smile on her lips turns sour and she glares at me.
I slap my hand over my mouth.
My bad!
I look down at her beautiful little girl who is also staring at me now.
“I’m sorry…that just kind of slipped out,” I say trying to salvage my bad self.
She say’s nothing in return for my apology. She just turns away and heads off with an air of indignation.
My son looks at me and we both burst out laughing.
Okay, so now we’ve got the stroller ready for loading. I look at my son then look at the stroller and wonder how this is going to work.
At six-feet-five inches this is definitely going to be interesting.
…to be continued
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