have you ever looked at someone and thought- wow. they seem so lost- and then you have pity for them, and wished you could help them because you knew something that would help?
well, i was thinking of myself objectively today, and that is what i thought. i thought i seemed to be scrambling in life, trying to make things work, but feeling defeated before i even started. wishing that something would change. but being too afraid of change to do anything about it. to afraid to face what has been hidden inside. God up above must think i seem so pitiful. i must look so pathetic. i was not always like this. i used to be vibrant and full of life. then life got hard and i did not know how to deal with it.
so here i am. trying to deal with it. trying to harness my eating by controlling what i put in my mouth by only eating raw. trying to face the hidden pains and failures and rejections. trying to become loving and patient and vibrant again. Lord, help me. i am a mess and i do not know how to clean it up.
my positive thought for the day? i am capable of being strong. i am capable of being alive inside.
i went for a walk today -2.5 mi. my calf muscles are still too sore to run. 
breakfast was a mandarin orange. later was a coconut kefir smoothie with papaya and blueberries and chia seeds.
snack was a pumpkin and sesame seed bar.
lunch was romaine with the rest of that walnut carrot pate and celery and almonds, and i made a sesame oil, nooch, and tamari salad dressing. made about 2 T. of tahini/honey/carob for dessert. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
dinner?
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