Talk about an interesting couple of days. To be blunt, when I was writing my last blog I was rather depressed so sorry for the… sad tone. But these last few days have really changed my perspective on things. Allow me to elaboarte…
I just recently went on a vacation with a couple of my best friends. My best friend, Hannah, and I got in a few tiffs. Tiffs meaning she went crazy on us and threw food at our face, got taken away by hotel security and escorted off the premises because the guests thought she was going to kill them. This isn’t anything new for her. For the year that I have known her she has tried to kill herself twice and suffers with bulimia. She wasn’t, however, always like this. When I first met her, we hit it off. It didn’t take long for us to become best friends, then there after she became… well psychotic. At first I pittied her, because I actually thought she had a problem, but over the last couple of months I have noticed that she really only does it for attention. Each time she would have a ‘close call’ or actually attempt suicide, I would be pulled into this depressive downward spiral that Hannah was conducting. Coming back from the trip we got into a couple more fights, but these small fights made me really hate her and the little things she would do would really start to annoy me. On the flight home we said that we would forget about all of it. But to be honest, I am not forgetting. I can’t really considering I have been telling millions of people her about her crazy episodes and confirming all of the swarming rumors true or not. I didn’t see it at first, but when looking back on it, it seems truly apparent that I am a bad best friend. In the past 4 years I have had about 3 best friends. The first one changed schools, the second drifted apart, and the third, Hannah, I treated like shit. I have MANY close friends, but I don’t have ONE best friend. Is that a bad thing?
But one of the things that happened on the trip that I really can’t forget, is when I found out that Hannah was previously seeing my ex, Cole. Cole and I met freshman summer and we started seeing each other not to long after. At first, I ended things with him after three months. But sophomore winter, we started talking again but then he broke it off. Then up till about May, we were on and off and our final ‘off’ was really bad. He really hurt me and I thought I could turn to Hannah for support and help. She started talking to him to figure out info for me, but soon after they started having nightly phone conversations and started hanging out. Even though she denied it many times and said she would never ‘do that to me’, I thought that her and Cole had a thing. After reading through her text messages to look at some she wanted to see, I came up to a locked folder. I was immediately interested. I knew her phone password so I unlocked it to find many locked messaged from Cole. In a nut shell, she talked shit about me, flirted with him, and basically confirmed all of my past suspicions. I had no idea why she would want to be with someone after he hurt me so much. But now I have to apply that question to myself…
While on facebook the other night, I got a chat from Cole. We previously decided to be friends because our drama was stupid, and he asked to hang out. We are hanging out tomorrow and I don’t know what to expect. I have to admit that I am really excited and I am kind of hoping something will happen between us… BUT I’M SO NERVOUS! I am nervous to the point where I am googleing ‘Makeout tips’… I have been making out since the seventh grade and here I am four years later trying to brush up on my game for him! I know I shouldn’t get into it with him… But I am curious.
But aside from Hannah, things aren’t all that bad. I am loosing weight, for one. Although I have to admit that it is with the help of throwing up/ not eating… but it has to come off one way or another. My first small goal is 5 pounds in two weeks. By then I hope to have more control so after that two weeks, I can aim for bigger numbers in shorter time. I always go on these diets but I am hoping this one will stick, looking at my stomach right now… this shit needs to come off!
Other than the weight loss, my group of friends at school is not only getting closer but a lot higher on the social ladder…
I would say more, but I think that there isn’t really more to say for now. Tell your friends to read my blog!
-Anna
No comments:
Post a Comment