Hello all,
Sorry I have missed a day or so, I went home to visit my family for the weekend and got caught up in the emotions of it all. I’m happy to report that within the past 2 days I have kept down a total of 2 meals, which is actually an accomplishment if you go by my standards. It was amazing, I actually cried because I was so proud of myself. The first meal was this delicious prime rib and baked potato from my favorite steakhouse, it seemed a shame to waste all the money my father spent on it, and the second was donuts I had this morning, those were just too delicious to not keep in my stomach. It was really hard, and it took a lot of water to wash it all down and keep it down but all in all I’m happy I did it. That didn’t keep me from looking in the mirror just recently though, sadly, none of my other meals made the cut yet again. But, when I started to think about my body I made a jump for my MacBook to write some more to keep my mind off of it.
I have decided that from now on whenever I look into the mirror I will tell myself that I am beautiful, and that I don’t need this to be that way. It’s hard though, to look at yourself and see a picture that no one else does. I was looking at some photographs taken by some of my more artistic friends and I see such a small girl, but when I look in the mirror I don’t see that at all. I wish I could understand what that’s all about…how can I see one person, but everyone else see another? I just knew if I could see this skinny girl I would feel better, get better, love myself more. I weighed myself today, and it only feeds the fire, 109 pounds. My mom says I look sick. I’m only afraid that it will be harder to stay in control when I leave tomorrow.
Hope you all are well, more later!
All my love,
American Girl
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