yes. yes, i am.
oh yeah, where was i? that’s right, my doctor called me fat.
i went for a gyno appointment the other day, as the mister and i want to start family planning because my biological clock is ticking like this!! (picture me channeling marisa tomei and stomping my foot). as soon as the nurse called me to come behind the magical doorway, “sherrrry stevens?? sheeeerrrry?,” and i hopped on the scale i knew this was not going to be the best doctor’s visit ever. OH. MY. GOSH. i saw the number on the scale and i was taken aback. waaaaay back–back to december of ‘08 before my hubby plopped down $400 to whittle me into shape.
i had lost a good bit of weight sometime between january ‘09 and may ‘09. but then it happened. the season-ending back injury, the herniated lumbar disc that sidelined me on june 18, ‘09, a mere EIGHT DAYS after my beloved mommy passed away from cancer. hadn’t i had enough?? apparently not, because while i was mourning in mental pain, i then joined up with physical pain from my back. i checked out emotionally and stopped caring about how i looked. i couldn’t work out because most days i could barely move, and while sinking into a depression and self-pity, i befriended food. all kinds of food and super sized quantities of it. and in the course of two to three months, i put back on all of the weight that it took me a half of a year to lose. had my mother been alive, she would have had no reservations in telling me that i “blew up”. without her, i have no such person to make me wake up and see that i’ve put on the pounds. i didn’t until in walked my doctor.
“you can’t even think about having a baby until you get this weight off. you’re fat. you need to lose a good 25-30 pounds right now. i suggest weight watchers. you’re not healthy and your baby isn’t go to be healthy until you get rid of this fat.” wow–she was totally telling me like it was. no sugar coating. no bedside manner. and worse, while she’s poking and prodding me, she says, “yeah, your uterus is a bit retroverted, but so what. lots of people’s are. i can feel it now, but of course it’s more difficult to feel all around because this belly is in the way. get rid of this fat belly.” WOW. really?? what an awkward time and situation. i’m lying on my back, she’s digging all around and insults me again! way to kick a girl when she’s down!! but i needed it. i really did.
i went home and worked out that very day. i think i’d been scared i was going to reinjure my back, but i was more scared that i would never be able to have a baby, that i would forever be the “fat friend”, that i’d go home to a high school reunion and make jaws drop in all the wrong ways. the next day, i read up on weight watchers and got great tips. i also went and purchased alli, and made the tweaks in my diet that i should’ve a long time ago. it’s been a week, and i’ve increased my workouts from 30 minutes to a hour everyday. i’m getting myself back to pre-injury form, but even better.
the next time that doc sees me, she’s going to say that i’m PHAT. i may ask her to write it down just to be sure, though.
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